I've never truly known the word "responsibility" until this year. I guess I didn't know what I was really taking on. But it's too late to quit now- I'm committed. I've taken the load, and I've made a promise. I'm trying my best, and I'm just asking you to do the same. It's weird, being a leader. It's weird, feeling responsible.

Now, when I sign online, I tend to be attacked with hordes of questions. "When is ___ due? How do I get ___? Where is ___?"

But you know what? It's okay. Because that means people actually care enough to ask. So, ask me questions. Tell me when you can't do something, or when you're willing to do more. Don't make me do everything.

Care.

Connie: OMG, it won't fit! Is the hole too small?
Tiffany: Here, let me try. Hold this.
Vivian: Lick it!
Tiffany: Eww, no. It's dirty!
Vivian: Is it fitting?
Tiffany: Just shove it in!
Connie and Garrett start laughing uncontrollably.
Tiffany: You guys are so dirty! Stop!
Garrett: Oooh, you want us to stop now?
Vivian and Tiffany start laughing too.
Connie: Stop! Garrett!
Tiffany: YES! I got it through!
Everyone: YESS! FINALLY.

I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt.


Real scenario: We're in APES, trying to build our eco-column. We're trying to thread a piece of yarn into a hole made in a bottlecap. The bell is about to ring so we're rushing.

It is one o' clock in the morning, and I have a SAT practice test tomorrow. "Mei!" yells my dad up the stairs, "Go to sleep, you have to wake up early tomorrow!" But as much as I want to, I can't sleep, and there's no way I can concentrate on studying.

College. Even if we want to avoid the subject, as high school seniors, it is constantly at the back of our minds. People tell me, "don't worry about it. You're so smart, you can probably get into any college you want." But the thing is, I do worry about it. I never want to discuss college with others because I haven't planned that far ahead. I'm a high school senior, but I still feel like a freshman. As I'm constantly reminded, I have 5 AP classes, a sport every season, debate 0 period, and multiple clubs to run. I'm just trying to get by, day by day. Meanwhile, the prospect of the future looms over me like a spider does over a trapped fly. "What colleges are you applying to?" people constantly ask me. I rattle off the big- name schools that nearly everyone applies to. "UCLA, Berkeley, USC..." But honestly, I haven't even researched these schools. I have barely researched any. Why? Because it doesn't feel real to me. I can't picture myself living on these campuses. I've been so concerned with doing good in school mostly because of two reasons: my parents and college. Now that college is looming closer, I feel lost.

I'm not actually supposed to be writing in my blog right now. I'm supposed to be either a) sleeping. b) studying. or c) working on my college applications. I was working on c, the personal statements portion. All I was actually doing was staring blankly at my introduction paragraph. As I am typing this now, the words are streaming pretty effortlessly onto the page. When I was in the second grade, all I ever wanted to do was be a writer. I wanted to write stories that would GET to people. Those stories that you can't put down until they're finished, no matter what time it is. Those stories that you sit thinking about for a while after you've finished it. I want my personal statement to be like that. But the words won't flow. Everything I can think of feels like a cliche, like it's already been read a thousand times. I can't write about my dreams and aspirations when I'm not completely sure of them myself. I can only write well when I feel like writing, and personal statements feel forced, like an essay about U.S. history.

Nowadays, a person is practically condemning themselves to a job at McDonald's if they do not go to college. But what do we really learn in college that will help us in life? The subject material itself we will forget in perhaps a year, or in some cases, right after the exam. Is college the ONLY option we have? I feel like it is. We plunge ourselves into debt with student loans to get to school, with a hope that when we get out, we'll get a job that will pay these loans back. What if we don't get a good job- one that we hoped college could get us? Was all those years of schooling and dollars in debt worth it? Will going to college make us HAPPIER?